It’s Sunday.
Day 3 of the hospital.
I slept better last night. Even though they woke me up every two hours to check my vitals. I started the chemo pill last night (Tretinoin – I google this and it says if I take it topically it helps acne, I hope the pills will make this zit above my lip go away!) and they wanted to make sure I didn’t have any side effects or stop breathing or spike a crazy fever or something. So, every two hours, like clock work they come in. Blood pressure. Temperature. Oxygen level and pulse. At least the nurses here are nice. I remember when I delivered each of the boys I always remember thinking that it doesn’t even matter if you like your doctor that much. The nurses are what matter. The nurses here are amazing.
Bathroom Selfie! Saturday, September 2, 2017 |
Zach told the boys last night. Maybe he’ll tell his story one day. For now, this is what I know. The boys are so smart. They are so caring and loving. They knew what leukemia was. Every year at school they do Pennies for Patients which supports the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. They asked if I would lose my hair. Yes, she’ll lose her hair. They asked how I got it. Coda said, “I know! Radiation! Was it electric radiation or regular radiation?” I don’t think your mom has been exposed to radiation. That kid is smart. I had to look it up. But, yes, you can get leukemia from radiation exposure. No exposure to atomic bombs for me though.
My boys wearing their masks to visit. September 2, 2017 |
I’m so thankful for an amazing husband that knows exactly how to talk to the boys about this situation. God has been preparing our hearts for some time now to be prepared for this exact moment. God has worked on my faith to trust in Him and His plan for years. I know that is why I am so at peace with everything that is going on right now. I know that this is all in His plan. God has put Zach in my life to be my supporter and the boys’ supporter. Zach has a true gift of being able to talk and listen well. I know that God has put us in each of our positions for a reason. I would not want to switch places with Zach for the world. My job is to have faith. Faith that this is all in God’s plan and He will take care of me. Faith that He will give me the right questions to ask. Faith that He will give the doctors the medical knowledge they need. Faith that the treatments will work. And faith that I’m going to look hot with no hair. Zach has to watch me go through this and know that he can’t do anything about it. Zach has to talk to the boys and help them understand and help them go through all the feelings of being scared and sad. Zach has to balance bringing home a paycheck with living like a single dad at home – cooking and cleaning and getting them to school and picking them up and taking them to hockey and church groups and friends houses – and spend time with me and cater to all my needs and wants and be my supporter, and taking care of himself – emotionally, physically and spiritually. Just thinking about everything that is on his plate gives me anxiety. I would be a total mess if I was in his position.
Since I started the chemo pills yesterday, I get to have this nice little cover over my toilet. Go. Cover. Flush twice. |
Dr. S is coming back today. I’m hoping she got some test results back. Pathologists don’t work on weekends, especially holiday weekends. I hope she sweet talked them into taking some time away from the home and coming into work this weekend. Zach will be here when she comes by. He’s good at getting the technical details. He likes to know how things work. He’s good at listening and understanding and remembering. I just want to know how things will affect me. Is this going to make me puke? When will I lose my hair? Am I going to get super powers? Will I turn into superwomen? Or is it spiderman that can had the radiation thing change him. Is chemo radiation? Seriously, I know nothing!
Zach and I just hanging out in my room. Saturday, September 2, 2017 |
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. They were giving me a shot that prevents blood clotting. And well, it sucked. It stung. I wasn’t a fan. And seriously, they’re poking me enough anyway with all the blood work they do. So, I asked real nice if it was only given to me because most people in the hospital lay around in bed all day. The nurse said yes and said she would ask the doctor if I could get off the shot since I walk around the hallways a few times a day. And YAY! she’s discontinuing the shot as long as I stay up and walk the hallways a few times a day. It’s the little victories, really! I told you the nurses here were awesome!
I’m eventually going to have to start eating better, but for now. Jello + ice-cream is what I like from the cafeteria. |
If you want to do anything, just please, pray for the emotional well being of my boys (all 4 of them). You can also pray for better food at the hospital.
Thankful for FaceTime chats with Zach after he puts the boys to bed. |
Will update again soon.
Love & Light.
๐ท๐ michelle
One more thing…
What should I name this blog? Zach said Chemo & Cocktails. ๐
7 comments
Michelle, we will be praying for you and your family. Thanks for sharing your journey with us all, you guys are such a beautiful family ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ
Hi Michelle, I'm praying for you and the better food. I'm also praying for your boys (all 4), and all of your loved ones so they can remain strong for you and themselves.
Also. This is definitely something to ask your doc, but I heard about this with regards to hair loss and cancer. cancer.org/treatment/treatments-and-side-effects/physical-side-effects/hair-loss/cold-caps.html. Not that hair loss is the most important thing in the grand scheme of things – and your face will probably be gorgeous with no hair. However, if it's a concern, there seem to be options now.
Hi Michelle,
We haven't met yet. But I am Zack's cousin. My Dad and Bart are cousins and grew up together.
I would love to bring a meal for you and your family to enjoy at the hospital. With leftovers of course so you can enjoy the good after the initial meal. ๐ I understand bad hospital food VERY well unfortunately.
(Last year after a brain surgery the cafeteria brought me a tray with refried beans and butternut squash cubes…what is that??? I sent it back immediately. And begged my sweet nurses to bring me something from their break room.)
So, if it's ok with you, I could bring a big soup, homemade and fresh of course. Would you like a chicken and veggie stew? I could bring a fresh baguette as well. ๐
Also, hospital food tip: try to order things they don't actually cook. Like big entree salads. It's kind of hard to screw up lettuce. Lol ๐ (Although the hospital in Vegas has done it more than once ) Lol ๐
I could do it any day this week. ๐ And I can commit to bringing you good food every week. ๐
Love, Bridget
Michelle! Chris and I and the Restoration Project team are following and praying for you and the boys! Sounds like humor has been a gift so far! Thanks for doing this out loud.
You already are Superwoman! Love you girl!!!
Hi Michelle! I am Jessica's mom and a survivor of Stage 4 Lymphoma, one of the other blood cancers. You probably remember me hairless at her wedding. ๐ which was 13 years ago. We are all different and treatments are different. I am just so grateful to live in this day and age. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. It's not an easy road; there will be good days and bad days. It's ok to not be optimistic every second; it's ok to feel what you need to feel. I wish I could give you a hug.
Michelle,
I think you are already superwoman! You are amazing, your faith is evident, and will serve you well. I wanted to let you know that the Lord God has your back! His Holy Spirit works in mysterious ways, and you have been in my random thoughts rather intensely the last couple weeks. I happened to see a post from Kathy on FB, which I almost never log in to anymore, and found your blog. God knows all and is drawing His people to you. He's got this.
We will be praying for all of you. We love and miss you all. I'll be following your posts.
Your friend,
Michelle Buczkowski
Comments are closed.